Best Epitaph Ever

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My friend suggested something. And before I proceed, I would like to categorically state, under no duress, that this is entirely, completely, unequivocally, and undeniably her idea, and all credit is due to her.

I don’t know why a lot of my friends are in the business of envisaging life events which may or may not occur in the near and distant future. IN MY LIFE!  But they do, and with an inexplicable amount of enthusiasm, if I may add. Now, some of them are bearable; you will lose all your hair. That is okay. I am used to going bald. Its quick, convenient, cost efficient, and my father ensured that alternate lifestyles and haircuts skipped our house like the Angel of Death on Passover( sorry, Catholic reference).

Some of them are unsettling: you will be old and have a serious job. This is mostly said with an air of sadness, which is a compliment to my relatively carefree existence, immense capacity to impress no one with my serious face, and a widely accepted notion of my ability to achieve very little in life. I am okay with all of that. I think a long time ago, I had to make a choice; be funny, or be taken seriously. I chose the former (exercising free will and ignoring genes and all that bogum. Sorry Steven Pinker Sir). But to imagine that all this will go away is immensely unnerving. As is the prospect of being a grumpy adult whose new calling is giving advice, meeting deadlines, and just being adult-like.

Some invoke pure fear. We will attend your wedding. I give the idea of marriage as much thought as most people do to a potential shark attack; very little. On days when I do, I imagine worshiping the person who  for some strange reason, agrees to spend their life with me. The ceremony is of zero consequence, and will involve the people getting married, and perhaps the witnesses. (No, cant invite even the closest friends. It is a very slippery slope, and soon you will be booking a 500-capacity venue for ‘dear and irreplaceable’ individuals). My friends, from different stages in life, take great pleasure in conceptualizing elaborate eventualities for my wedding, and their role in it. Their role in what is effectively a contract between two people! Now I love my friends, I truly do. But the thought of 10 drunk north Indians on horses with a coterie of musicians, one friend from Meerut (+-10), 10 girls from Delhi, 20 friends from college (presumably also with alcohol in their systems) marching thru my sleepy village on a Sunday morning is alarming. As is the disapproval that my clan would communicate through the cunning use of eyes, frowns, and sniggers. Shudders*

And now for Death. I think I am OK with it. I have never lost someone truly close, so that may change in the future.  However, I do believe that deaths (natural ones) are inevitable, and are one of those very few things which all humans are fairly consistent at. Level playing field of sorts. So how would I like to go? Surrounded by people I love, and probably crack a joke, so that they don’t notice me leaving.


Anyhow, enough of the gloomy stuff. So the aforementioned friend suggested the best epitaph ever!

This Epitaph is trying to be dark.

I laughed a lot. I am sorry if I have been unable to communicate what a gem that line will be on black marble. But truly hope she outlives me, and makes sure I get this.

Bless you G, and get this done.

Si

Ps. Has you seen this?